DATE: 11/17/2008 17:26:02 / MOOD: happy

LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE
1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. .
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. .
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. .
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. .
5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me .
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. . 8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. .
9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing. .
10.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE
11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18.. Procrastinate Now!
19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

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DATE: 11/16/2008 08:45:48 / MOOD: happy

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping thru the forest road when she sees the big bad wolf crouched down behind a log.
'My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf.'
The wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further Down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush.
'My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf.'
Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.
About 1/4 mile down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock.
'My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf.'
With that the wolf jumps up and screams, 'Will you knock it off, I'm trying to poop!'

 Brighten someone's day

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DATE: 10/26/2008 17:11:48 / MOOD: disappointed

Okay -

we all go grocery shopping.  Am I the only one that has noticed the dramatic increase in food products in the past 2 weeks?

it's not bad enough that we are paying the highest gas prices in the state in our county - now the stores are sticking it to us.

For instance - I went to the same store I had shopped in last Tuesday.....and today is Sunday.  I'm not talking sale items either!

On Tuesday - a jar of dill pickles was $3.99 - today $4.49.

You know I am a liver lover - they had 16 oz. frozen packages for 99 cents - those went up to $1.39 on Tuesday - today they are $1.79.

Sliced Italian bread (that I use for lunches for the babies) was $1.79 three weeks ago; went up to $2.19 and today - $2.79.

Lettuce at their everyday price used to be 99 cents - went up to $1.19 - today it's up to $1.49.

Cucumbers were $1.19 each.

Beef bologna (which I love fried with onions) used to be $1.19 lb. package - today - 12 oz. package for $1.79.

I noticed that canned veggies were up 30 cents per can; pasta was up 40 - 50 cents per package; many packages are getting smaller as well.

Meats are up - way up as well.

Yes, we have to eat - but it's time to start cooking like our grandparents did during the Great Depression of the 1930's!



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DATE: 10/13/2008 07:04:18 / MOOD: happy

 

Item #2: Women’s purses

The inside of your purse may be cluttered, but it’s the bottom that’s crawling with tens of thousands of germs, such as E. coli and salmonella. Women innocently place their purses on germ-infested public floors and surfaces, only to have these bacteria attach themselves to the bottom of their “it” bag. 

Protective Step: Never set your purse down on the floor in a public place, especially the bathroom.  Hang your bag on a hook whenever possible. 

Item #3: Men’s wallets

Even germier than women’s handbags, the inside of a man’s wallet seems to be a breeding ground for microbes. The wallet likely functions as an incubator. You’re sitting on it and you’re keeping all your money and anything that’s degradable nice and warm and there is higher moisture content.

Protective Step: Don’t load your wallet up with papers, and if you can, keep your dollar bills in a separate compartment. Whenever possible, pull your wallet out of your back pocket and let it breathe.

Item #4: Makeup case

Heading out for a night on the town right after work? While you’re freshening up with lipstick, you’re also likely slapping on some extra bacteria. The makeup creates something for the microbes to grow in and stick to.

Protective Step: Leather cases are easier to wipe down and disinfect than fabric cases. Pull your makeup out and clean the case every week or so with a disinfecting wipe (don’t use an anti-bacterial one because it won’t kill viruses, which are the greatest concern with respect to infection), or spray a germicide, such as Lysol, onto a paper towel and use it to wipe down the surface. Also, replace your makeup in accordance with expiration dates. Anything that touches your eyes, such as mascara, should be ditched every three to six months to reduce the risk of bacterial contamination that can lead to troublesome eye infections.

Item #5: Remote control

This is one of those items that everybody handles, but few people think about cleaning. Because it’s touched by many hands – those expert transmitters of germs – the remote control is one item worth paying attention to the next time you’re getting ready to clean house. 

Protective Step: Regularly wipe down all remote controls with a disinfecting wipe or spray. If you can remember to do so, wash your hands before you sit down to watch TV. Or, keep a bottle of disinfecting hand gel next to the remote or TV.

 Item #5: Pillows and mattress

The average person sheds about 1.5 million skin cells per hour and perspires one quart per day while doing nothing. Add fungal mold and spores, bacteria, chemicals, dust, lint, fibers, dust mites, insect parts and a host of other items to your bed, and a mattress doubles in weight every ten years. After five years, 10% of the weight of a pillow is dust mites. It’s like a zoo, an eco-system in your pillow and mattress. How’s that for a lullaby? 

Protective Step: Cover your mattress and pillows with impervious outer covers, and don’t forget to do the same for your box spring, too. Allergy-proof coverings seal the mattress and pillow, preventing anything from getting in or out, which protects you.   Also  wash your sheets in hot water every seven days.

Item #6: Refillable liquid soap dispensers

You can get as many as 10 million bacteria on your hands every time you use one. They grow in the soap.

Protective Step: Don’t use them! Buy a new soap dispenser when you run out.

Item #7: PDA

The personal digital assistant (PDA) was among the top items harboring the greatest amount of germs. In fact, it came in just behind the wallet and purse in the race for the germiest.

Protective Step: Do your best to keep your hands clean by washing them regularly and/or using alcohol sprays or gels, which has been shown to reduce illness by 30%-50%.  Clean your hands with alcohol wipes.  Also, wipe down your PDA regularly with a disinfecting wipe or germicidal spray.

Item #8: Phones

Of all the items you touch on a daily basis, your phone is the one that’s guaranteed to make direct contact with your face. Frighteningly, the phone was one of the areas where

Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA), a drug-resistant form of staph bacteria that can cause serious skin and blood infections, which can turn fatal—found on phones. 

Protective Step: If possible, don’t share phones. Wipe down your office, home and cell phones regularly with disinfecting wipes or a paper towel sprayed with a germicidal agent.

Item #9: Desk drawer bottom

The bottom of the desk drawer is the moldiest site sampled in offices around the country. MRSA was also found in many desk drawer bottoms tested. “Seventy percent of women and about 40 percent of men have food in their desks.  Aapples, bananas, granola bars – tend to be more biodegradable, creating more of an opportunity for mold and other bacteria to develop. 

Protective Step: Keep food stored in airtight containers and be diligent about cleaning food out of your desk regularly. Wipe down the surface of the desk drawer bottom with disinfecting wipes or germicidal spray on a regular basis. 

Item #10: Computer mouse

Chances are your hand is touching one right now. Not only is the computer mouse a common breeding ground for the MRSA bug, it also ranks among the top four moldiest spots in the office.  If yeast and/or mold is somewhere in your office, it’s all over your office.

Protective Step: Again, use disinfectant. People who claim to use disinfectants are found to have only one-quarter the number of bacteria of those who don’t.

Item #11: Door handle

Given that 80% of all infections are transmitted through direct and indirect human contact, we know that our hands play a major role in our overall health. Door handles are a major source of the germs and viruses we acquire.  You really run a germ gauntlet during the flu and cold season.

Protective Step: “I spray my door knobs,  germicidal sprays, such as Lysol with alcohol, are excellent remedies because they reduce bptj particulates and the influenza virus.

Items #12: The car

Gerba found that dashboards, door handles and cup holders in cars sampled around the country had an average of 10,000 bacteria per four square inches. The bigger the car, the more germs there were, probably because larger numbers of kids tend to travel in these vehicles. And where there are kids, germs will follow.

I'm so glad I'm a LYSOL person! 

View Entry

DATE: 10/13/2008 06:45:11 / MOOD: happy

Well - we have all seen and/or heard about these insane eating competitions - hotdogs, chicken wings, spaghetti, ears of corn, etc. but today takes the cake -

I'm flippin' channels and I catch the tail end of a new food competition - PIZZA.  And some guy at 45 slices in ten minutes?????????????

Sorry - that is suicide.  No call for that.

Stick to the hotdogs and wings, or the ice cream and corn - but I don't believe in these competitions where you eat yourself sick.  Ditto with restaurants that will give you your steak dinner for free if you can down a 5 pound steak in so much time.

What are they thinking????



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DATE: 10/12/2008 08:21:42 / MOOD: happy

Actually - it's now two years later....................

I don't know if anyone else here remembers this - but we remember this as if it happened yesterday.....

Two years ago today - Friday (yes a FRIDAY) October 13th, The October surprise Storm hit us.

We had a severe ice/snow storm - knocked out all the power in the whole county for a week or longer in some areas of the county.  Trees were down all over - our landscape in the entire county has been changed for generations.  Stately oaks, elms, maples - gone.  Thousands and thousands of trees totally destroyed - tens of thousands unrecognizable.

Wires down all over - there wasn't one street or road you could drive or walk down.

Some houses were encased in ice.

Supermarkets lost everything in their dairy, deli, meat and frozen departments.

Trucks could not get in to help us.

We had no heat, no electric or cable, no phones, no water.  That is how bad it was.

If you could get your doors open you could not get out of the house with the wires down.  We didn't need the "authorities" to tell us that there was a driving ban.....every street was "littered" with downed trees and wires - you couldn't even walk anywhere.

Two day before the storm hit - it was beautiful fall weather.  We stocked all the freezers for winter and had started on the canned goods, etc.

We lost $600 worth of meats.  When you live here you want to try to stock up when you can because we've gotten up to 14 feet of snow in less than 24 hours here and it's not always easy to go shopping.  And with all the grocery stores "strategically positioned" so that you would be walking for hours to get there - it's wise to stock up on as much as you can.

You can only eat so much peanut butter and crackers - you're better off not eating!  Cold canned beans were transformed into salads with oil/vinegar and herbs.  Canned fruits were greatly appreciated.  Dry cereal - not the best to choke down.

With no heat - after a while - you cannot function - and all you can do is wait.....bundled under tons of blankets.

On the 6th day I was able to get to the corner convenience store!  Too bad it wasn't open - so much for 24 hour service! LOL - Hey - at least I took the chance - jumping over trees and wires.  I just wanted to buy bottled water!

By the 7th day the wires were up and they were working on the electricity!  As soon as it came on I jumped in the car (thankfully I had a full tank - it's nice to have a gas station at the corner of the street - but it wouldn't do anyone any good with no power to pump it!) and took the main highways out of the county and headed to Pennsylvania.  The first 25 miles of driving wasn't the best - detours, trees still down, crews working, etc.  The next 15 - 20 miles were a little better and after that it was clear sailing!

We had to buy all our dairy, refrigerated and frozen goodies in Pennsylvania if we wanted it.  Then driving home the last 25 miles was still tricky.

Do I still stock up?  Not as much in the meat department - not after that.  I disconnected the 500 lb. chest freezer after that.  The other 2 freezers will just have to be enough.

And here we are today - the news is talking about what happened 2 years ago - and our temps today will be in the upper 70's and tomorrow 80.  You can still feel that autumn chill - but it's much better than what we had 2 years ago.  And yes there is a difference between 74 degrees in the summer and the fall - in the fall you can still feel that chill.

The Blizzard of '77 and the major ice storm of '78 were not a match to this one.  I've been "encased" in ice with my house where I had to be chiseled out and my house has been buried under snow throughout the years - but the October Surprise of 2006 had to be the worse one.

For today - I'll just enjoy the beauty of the season...............






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DATE: 10/08/2008 09:24:53 / MOOD: happy

Ok - you're not that brave!  What creeps you out?  What scares you?

I love a good spooky movie - and I mean spooky - not gorey like Hellraiser movies or Texas Chain Saw - but a good old fashioned spooky movie.

Now I know everyone has seen the movie "Psycho".  Little Miss Workaholic never saw the movie until it showed up on a local channel many, many years later.  Ok - big deal - I've heard about it from everyone - she gets stabbed to death in the shower scene.  So what's the big deal?  Due to the fact nothing else was on the boob tube that night I got stuck with the movie.

OMG - scared me all right!

Years pass - along comes the movie "Halloween".  That one had a worse effect on me.  C'mon - tell me how a guy gets stabbed in the neck with a knitting needle, shot a half dozen times and falls out of a second floor window or balcony (whatever it was), is "dead" looking - lying on the ground and then - he disappears.

Then - along comes Halloween II and Halloween III.  I don't count Halloween IV - it had nothing to do with the original movie anyway - it was stupid.  And of course, Halloween H2O and Halloween:Resurrection.

Can someone tell me - how does Michael Meyers get killed, burned, has his head cut off and still lives???

One thing for sure - the original Halloween movie is the one that creeps me out the most.

So what do I do - I by the DVD so I can scare myself!  LOL

Got any movies that creep you out???



View Entry

DATE: 10/07/2008 18:43:20 / MOOD: happy

Ghost Jokes  


Q: What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A: A dead end.

Q: What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Fasten your sheet belt.

Q: How do ghosts fly from one place to another?
A: By scareplane.

Q: What directions did the ghost give the goblin?
A: "Make a fright turn at the corner."

Q: What kind of ghost haunts a hen house?
A: A poultry-geist.

Q: Why do ghosts go to baseball games?
A: Because they like to boo the umpire.

Q: What should you say when you meet a ghost?
A: "How do you boo, sir. How do you boo."

Q: What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Put your shocks and boos on.

Q: What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?
A: A holy terror.

Q: What tops off a ghost's sundae?
A: Whipped Scream

Q: Why did the baby ghost go to the doctor before halloween?
A: To get a BOOster shot.

Q: When do ghosts usually appear?
A: Just before someone screams.

Q: What do little ghosts drink?
A: Evaporated milk.

Q: How do you make a milkshake?
A: You sneak up behind a glass of milk and yell "Boo!"

Q: Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
A: Because he's always a goblin.

W. Why do ghosts like to ride elevators?
A. It raises their spirits.

Q. Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
A. He didn't have a haunting license.


Witch Jokes

Q: Why did the witch stand up in front of the audience?
A: She had to give a screech.

Q: What is a witch with poison ivy called?
A: An itchy witchy.

Q: Why did the witch's mail rattle?
A: It was a chain letter.

Q: What is a witch's favourite subject?
A: Spelling.

Q: Why does a witch ride on a broom?
A: Vacuum cleaners have to be plugged into the wall.

Q: What happens to a fast witch on a slow broom?
A: She flies off the handle.

Q: Why do witches think they're funny?
A: Every time they look in the mirror, it cracks up.

Q: What does a sorceress wear?
A: A bewitching outfit.

Q: What did the bat say to the witch's hat?
A: You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.

Q: Who has a broom and flies?
A: A jelly-covered janitor.

Q. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A. A sand-witch.

Q. What do you call a witch's garage?
A. A broom closet.

Q. What do you call two witches living together?
A. Broommates.


Vampire Jokes

Q: What is a vampires favorite mode of transportation?
A: A blood vessel.

Q: Why wasn't the vampire working?
A: He was on his coffin break.

Q: Why did the vampire's lunch give her heartburn?
A: It was a stake sandwich.

Q. Why was the girl afraid of the vampire?
A. He was all bite and no bark.

Q. Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
A. At the casketeria.

Q. Why did Dracula go to the doctor?
A. Because of his coffin.

Q. Why did the Vampire read the Wall Street Journal?
A. He heard it had great circulation.

Q. What is a vampires favorite holiday?
A. Fangsgiving.

Q. What happened when two vampires met?
A. It was love at first bite!

Q. Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
A. The Vampire State Building.

Q. How does a girl vampire flirt?
A. She bats her eyes.


Skeleton Jokes

Q. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
A. He had no body to dance with.

Q: What instrument does a skeleton play?
A: A trombone.

Q. Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
A. Sherlock Bones.

Q. Who was the most famous French skeleton?
A. Napoleon bone-apart

Q. Why do skeletons drink milk?
A. To help their bones!

Q. What is a Skeleton's favorite song.
A. Bad to the Bone.

Q. Why can't a Skeleton Lift Weights?
A. He's all bone and no muscle.

Q. What do the skeletons say be for eating?
A. Bone appetite!


Monsters, Mummies and More

Q. What's a monster's favorite bean?
A. A human bean.

Q. What do you call a little monsters parents?
A. mummy and deady

Q. How do you keep a monster from biting his nails?
A. Give him screws.

Q. What's a monsters favorite desert?
A. Ice-Scream!

Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They wear masking tape.

Q. What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?
A. Wrap music!

Q. Why don't mummies take vacations?
A. They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Q. Why was the mummy so tense?
A. Because he was all wound up.

Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A. Because demons are a ghouls best friend!

Q. Where did the goblin throw the football?
A. Over the ghoul line.

Q. What do you call two spiders that just got married?
A. Newlywebs!

Q. What can't you give the headless horseman?
A. A headache.

Q. Why did the headless horseman go into business?
A. He wanted to get ahead in life.

Q. Who are some of the werewolves cousins?
A. The whatwolves, the whowolves and the whenwolves.

Q: What's a cold, evil candle called?
A: The wicked wick of the north.

Q: What's a goblin's favorite flavor?
A: Lemon Slime.

Q: What do birds give out on Halloween?
A: Tweets.

Q: What time is it if five demons are chasing you?
A: Five after one and time to run!

Q: When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
A: When you're a mouse.

Q. The maker doesn't want it. The buyer doesn't use it. The user doesn't see it. What is it? A. A coffin!

Knock, Knock. Who's there?
Phillip! Phillip who?
Phillip my bag with candy!Ghost Jokes halloween

Q: What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A: A dead end.

Q: What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Fasten your sheet belt.

Q: How do ghosts fly from one place to another?
A: By scareplane.

Q: What directions did the ghost give the goblin?
A: "Make a fright turn at the corner."

Q: What kind of ghost haunts a hen house?
A: A poultry-geist.

Q: Why do ghosts go to baseball games?
A: Because they like to boo the umpire.

Q: What should you say when you meet a ghost?
A: "How do you boo, sir. How do you boo."

Q: What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Put your shocks and boos on.

Q: What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?
A: A holy terror.

Q: What tops off a ghost's sundae?
A: Whipped Scream

Q: Why did the baby ghost go to the doctor before halloween?
A: To get a BOOster shot.

Q: When do ghosts usually appear?
A: Just before someone screams.

Q: What do little ghosts drink?
A: Evaporated milk.

Q: How do you make a milkshake?
A: You sneak up behind a glass of milk and yell "Boo!"

Q: Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
A: Because he's always a goblin.

W. Why do ghosts like to ride elevators?
A. It raises their spirits.

Q. Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
A. He didn't have a haunting license.


Witch Jokes

Q: Why did the witch stand up in front of the audience?
A: She had to give a screech.

Q: What is a witch with poison ivy called?
A: An itchy witchy.

Q: Why did the witch's mail rattle?
A: It was a chain letter.

Q: What is a witch's favourite subject?
A: Spelling.

Q: Why does a witch ride on a broom?
A: Vacuum cleaners have to be plugged into the wall.

Q: What happens to a fast witch on a slow broom?
A: She flies off the handle.

Q: Why do witches think they're funny?
A: Every time they look in the mirror, it cracks up.

Q: What does a sorceress wear?
A: A bewitching outfit.

Q: What did the bat say to the witch's hat?
A: You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.

Q: Who has a broom and flies?
A: A jelly-covered janitor.

Q. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A. A sand-witch.

Q. What do you call a witch's garage?
A. A broom closet.

Q. What do you call two witches living together?
A. Broommates.


Vampire Jokes

Q: What is a vampires favorite mode of transportation?
A: A blood vessel.

Q: Why wasn't the vampire working?
A: He was on his coffin break.

Q: Why did the vampire's lunch give her heartburn?
A: It was a stake sandwich.

Q. Why was the girl afraid of the vampire?
A. He was all bite and no bark.

Q. Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
A. At the casketeria.

Q. Why did Dracula go to the doctor?
A. Because of his coffin.

Q. Why did the Vampire read the Wall Street Journal?
A. He heard it had great circulation.

Q. What is a vampires favorite holiday?
A. Fangsgiving.

Q. What happened when two vampires met?
A. It was love at first bite!

Q. Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
A. The Vampire State Building.

Q. How does a girl vampire flirt?
A. She bats her eyes.


Skeleton Jokes

Q. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
A. He had no body to dance with.

Q: What instrument does a skeleton play?
A: A trombone.

Q. Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
A. Sherlock Bones.

Q. Who was the most famous French skeleton?
A. Napoleon bone-apart

Q. Why do skeletons drink milk?
A. To help their bones!

Q. What is a Skeleton's favorite song.
A. Bad to the Bone.

Q. Why can't a Skeleton Lift Weights?
A. He's all bone and no muscle.

Q. What do the skeletons say be for eating?
A. Bone appetite!


Monsters, Mummies and More

Q. What's a monster's favorite bean?
A. A human bean.

Q. What do you call a little monsters parents?
A. mummy and deady

Q. How do you keep a monster from biting his nails?
A. Give him screws.

Q. What's a monsters favorite desert?
A. Ice-Scream!

Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They wear masking tape.

Q. What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?
A. Wrap music!

Q. Why don't mummies take vacations?
A. They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Q. Why was the mummy so tense?
A. Because he was all wound up.

Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A. Because demons are a ghouls best friend!

Q. Where did the goblin throw the football?
A. Over the ghoul line.

Q. What do you call two spiders that just got married?
A. Newlywebs!

Q. What can't you give the headless horseman?
A. A headache.

Q. Why did the headless horseman go into business?
A. He wanted to get ahead in life.

Q. Who are some of the werewolves cousins?
A. The whatwolves, the whowolves and the whenwolves.

Q: What's a cold, evil candle called?
A: The wicked wick of the north.

Q: What's a goblin's favorite flavor?
A: Lemon Slime.

Q: What do birds give out on Halloween?
A: Tweets.

Q: What time is it if five demons are chasing you?
A: Five after one and time to run!

Q: When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
A: When you're a mouse.

Q. The maker doesn't want it. The buyer doesn't use it. The user doesn't see it. What is it? A. A coffin!

Knock, Knock. Who's there?
Phillip! Phillip who?
Phillip my bag with candy!Ghost Jokes halloween

Q: What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A: A dead end.

Q: What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Fasten your sheet belt.

Q: How do ghosts fly from one place to another?
A: By scareplane.

Q: What directions did the ghost give the goblin?
A: "Make a fright turn at the corner."

Q: What kind of ghost haunts a hen house?
A: A poultry-geist.

Q: Why do ghosts go to baseball games?
A: Because they like to boo the umpire.

Q: What should you say when you meet a ghost?
A: "How do you boo, sir. How do you boo."

Q: What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Put your shocks and boos on.

Q: What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?
A: A holy terror.

Q: What tops off a ghost's sundae?
A: Whipped Scream

Q: Why did the baby ghost go to the doctor before halloween?
A: To get a BOOster shot.

Q: When do ghosts usually appear?
A: Just before someone screams.

Q: What do little ghosts drink?
A: Evaporated milk.

Q: How do you make a milkshake?
A: You sneak up behind a glass of milk and yell "Boo!"

Q: Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
A: Because he's always a goblin.

W. Why do ghosts like to ride elevators?
A. It raises their spirits.

Q. Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
A. He didn't have a haunting license.


Witch Jokes

Q: Why did the witch stand up in front of the audience?
A: She had to give a screech.

Q: What is a witch with poison ivy called?
A: An itchy witchy.

Q: Why did the witch's mail rattle?
A: It was a chain letter.

Q: What is a witch's favourite subject?
A: Spelling.

Q: Why does a witch ride on a broom?
A: Vacuum cleaners have to be plugged into the wall.

Q: What happens to a fast witch on a slow broom?
A: She flies off the handle.

Q: Why do witches think they're funny?
A: Every time they look in the mirror, it cracks up.

Q: What does a sorceress wear?
A: A bewitching outfit.

Q: What did the bat say to the witch's hat?
A: You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.

Q: Who has a broom and flies?
A: A jelly-covered janitor.

Q. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A. A sand-witch.

Q. What do you call a witch's garage?
A. A broom closet.

Q. What do you call two witches living together?
A. Broommates.


Vampire Jokes

Q: What is a vampires favorite mode of transportation?
A: A blood vessel.

Q: Why wasn't the vampire working?
A: He was on his coffin break.

Q: Why did the vampire's lunch give her heartburn?
A: It was a stake sandwich.

Q. Why was the girl afraid of the vampire?
A. He was all bite and no bark.

Q. Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
A. At the casketeria.

Q. Why did Dracula go to the doctor?
A. Because of his coffin.

Q. Why did the Vampire read the Wall Street Journal?
A. He heard it had great circulation.

Q. What is a vampires favorite holiday?
A. Fangsgiving.

Q. What happened when two vampires met?
A. It was love at first bite!

Q. Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
A. The Vampire State Building.

Q. How does a girl vampire flirt?
A. She bats her eyes.


Skeleton Jokes

Q. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
A. He had no body to dance with.

Q: What instrument does a skeleton play?
A: A trombone.

Q. Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
A. Sherlock Bones.

Q. Who was the most famous French skeleton?
A. Napoleon bone-apart

Q. Why do skeletons drink milk?
A. To help their bones!

Q. What is a Skeleton's favorite song.
A. Bad to the Bone.

Q. Why can't a Skeleton Lift Weights?
A. He's all bone and no muscle.

Q. What do the skeletons say be for eating?
A. Bone appetite!


Monsters, Mummies and More

Q. What's a monster's favorite bean?
A. A human bean.

Q. What do you call a little monsters parents?
A. mummy and deady

Q. How do you keep a monster from biting his nails?
A. Give him screws.

Q. What's a monsters favorite desert?
A. Ice-Scream!

Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They wear masking tape.

Q. What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?
A. Wrap music!

Q. Why don't mummies take vacations?
A. They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Q. Why was the mummy so tense?
A. Because he was all wound up.

Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A. Because demons are a ghouls best friend!

Q. Where did the goblin throw the football?
A. Over the ghoul line.

Q. What do you call two spiders that just got married?
A. Newlywebs!

Q. What can't you give the headless horseman?
A. A headache.

Q. Why did the headless horseman go into business?
A. He wanted to get ahead in life.

Q. Who are some of the werewolves cousins?
A. The whatwolves, the whowolves and the whenwolves.

Q: What's a cold, evil candle called?
A: The wicked wick of the north.

Q: What's a goblin's favorite flavor?
A: Lemon Slime.

Q: What do birds give out on Halloween?
A: Tweets.

Q: What time is it if five demons are chasing you?
A: Five after one and time to run!

Q: When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
A: When you're a mouse.

Q. The maker doesn't want it. The buyer doesn't use it. The user doesn't see it. What is it? A. A coffin!

Knock, Knock. Who's there?
Phillip! Phillip who?
Phillip my bag with candy!Ghost Jokes halloween

Q: What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A: A dead end.

Q: What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Fasten your sheet belt.

Q: How do ghosts fly from one place to another?
A: By scareplane.

Q: What directions did the ghost give the goblin?
A: "Make a fright turn at the corner."

Q: What kind of ghost haunts a hen house?
A: A poultry-geist.

Q: Why do ghosts go to baseball games?
A: Because they like to boo the umpire.

Q: What should you say when you meet a ghost?
A: "How do you boo, sir. How do you boo."

Q: What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Put your shocks and boos on.

Q: What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?
A: A holy terror.

Q: What tops off a ghost's sundae?
A: Whipped Scream

Q: Why did the baby ghost go to the doctor before halloween?
A: To get a BOOster shot.

Q: When do ghosts usually appear?
A: Just before someone screams.

Q: What do little ghosts drink?
A: Evaporated milk.

Q: How do you make a milkshake?
A: You sneak up behind a glass of milk and yell "Boo!"

Q: Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
A: Because he's always a goblin.

W. Why do ghosts like to ride elevators?
A. It raises their spirits.

Q. Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
A. He didn't have a haunting license.


Witch Jokes

Q: Why did the witch stand up in front of the audience?
A: She had to give a screech.

Q: What is a witch with poison ivy called?
A: An itchy witchy.

Q: Why did the witch's mail rattle?
A: It was a chain letter.

Q: What is a witch's favourite subject?
A: Spelling.

Q: Why does a witch ride on a broom?
A: Vacuum cleaners have to be plugged into the wall.

Q: What happens to a fast witch on a slow broom?
A: She flies off the handle.

Q: Why do witches think they're funny?
A: Every time they look in the mirror, it cracks up.

Q: What does a sorceress wear?
A: A bewitching outfit.

Q: What did the bat say to the witch's hat?
A: You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.

Q: Who has a broom and flies?
A: A jelly-covered janitor.

Q. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A. A sand-witch.

Q. What do you call a witch's garage?
A. A broom closet.

Q. What do you call two witches living together?
A. Broommates.


Vampire Jokes

Q: What is a vampires favorite mode of transportation?
A: A blood vessel.

Q: Why wasn't the vampire working?
A: He was on his coffin break.

Q: Why did the vampire's lunch give her heartburn?
A: It was a stake sandwich.

Q. Why was the girl afraid of the vampire?
A. He was all bite and no bark.

Q. Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
A. At the casketeria.

Q. Why did Dracula go to the doctor?
A. Because of his coffin.

Q. Why did the Vampire read the Wall Street Journal?
A. He heard it had great circulation.

Q. What is a vampires favorite holiday?
A. Fangsgiving.

Q. What happened when two vampires met?
A. It was love at first bite!

Q. Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
A. The Vampire State Building.

Q. How does a girl vampire flirt?
A. She bats her eyes.


Skeleton Jokes

Q. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
A. He had no body to dance with.

Q: What instrument does a skeleton play?
A: A trombone.

Q. Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
A. Sherlock Bones.

Q. Who was the most famous French skeleton?
A. Napoleon bone-apart

Q. Why do skeletons drink milk?
A. To help their bones!

Q. What is a Skeleton's favorite song.
A. Bad to the Bone.

Q. Why can't a Skeleton Lift Weights?
A. He's all bone and no muscle.

Q. What do the skeletons say be for eating?
A. Bone appetite!


Monsters, Mummies and More

Q. What's a monster's favorite bean?
A. A human bean.

Q. What do you call a little monsters parents?
A. mummy and deady

Q. How do you keep a monster from biting his nails?
A. Give him screws.

Q. What's a monsters favorite desert?
A. Ice-Scream!

Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They wear masking tape.

Q. What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?
A. Wrap music!

Q. Why don't mummies take vacations?
A. They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Q. Why was the mummy so tense?
A. Because he was all wound up.

Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A. Because demons are a ghouls best friend!

Q. Where did the goblin throw the football?
A. Over the ghoul line.

Q. What do you call two spiders that just got married?
A. Newlywebs!

Q. What can't you give the headless horseman?
A. A headache.

Q. Why did the headless horseman go into business?
A. He wanted to get ahead in life.

Q. Who are some of the werewolves cousins?
A. The whatwolves, the whowolves and the whenwolves.

Q: What's a cold, evil candle called?
A: The wicked wick of the north.

Q: What's a goblin's favorite flavor?
A: Lemon Slime.

Q: What do birds give out on Halloween?
A: Tweets.

Q: What time is it if five demons are chasing you?
A: Five after one and time to run!

Q: When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
A: When you're a mouse.

Q. The maker doesn't want it. The buyer doesn't use it. The user doesn't see it. What is it? A. A coffin!

Knock, Knock. Who's there?
Phillip! Phillip who?
Phillip my bag with candy!Ghost Jokes halloween

Q: What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A: A dead end.

Q: What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Fasten your sheet belt.

Q: How do ghosts fly from one place to another?
A: By scareplane.

Q: What directions did the ghost give the goblin?
A: "Make a fright turn at the corner."

Q: What kind of ghost haunts a hen house?
A: A poultry-geist.

Q: Why do ghosts go to baseball games?
A: Because they like to boo the umpire.

Q: What should you say when you meet a ghost?
A: "How do you boo, sir. How do you boo."

Q: What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Put your shocks and boos on.

Q: What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?
A: A holy terror.

Q: What tops off a ghost's sundae?
A: Whipped Scream

Q: Why did the baby ghost go to the doctor before halloween?
A: To get a BOOster shot.

Q: When do ghosts usually appear?
A: Just before someone screams.

Q: What do little ghosts drink?
A: Evaporated milk.

Q: How do you make a milkshake?
A: You sneak up behind a glass of milk and yell "Boo!"

Q: Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
A: Because he's always a goblin.

W. Why do ghosts like to ride elevators?
A. It raises their spirits.

Q. Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
A. He didn't have a haunting license.


Witch Jokes

Q: Why did the witch stand up in front of the audience?
A: She had to give a screech.

Q: What is a witch with poison ivy called?
A: An itchy witchy.

Q: Why did the witch's mail rattle?
A: It was a chain letter.

Q: What is a witch's favourite subject?
A: Spelling.

Q: Why does a witch ride on a broom?
A: Vacuum cleaners have to be plugged into the wall.

Q: What happens to a fast witch on a slow broom?
A: She flies off the handle.

Q: Why do witches think they're funny?
A: Every time they look in the mirror, it cracks up.

Q: What does a sorceress wear?
A: A bewitching outfit.

Q: What did the bat say to the witch's hat?
A: You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.

Q: Who has a broom and flies?
A: A jelly-covered janitor.

Q. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A. A sand-witch.

Q. What do you call a witch's garage?
A. A broom closet.

Q. What do you call two witches living together?
A. Broommates.


Vampire Jokes

Q: What is a vampires favorite mode of transportation?
A: A blood vessel.

Q: Why wasn't the vampire working?
A: He was on his coffin break.

Q: Why did the vampire's lunch give her heartburn?
A: It was a stake sandwich.

Q. Why was the girl afraid of the vampire?
A. He was all bite and no bark.

Q. Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
A. At the casketeria.

Q. Why did Dracula go to the doctor?
A. Because of his coffin.

Q. Why did the Vampire read the Wall Street Journal?
A. He heard it had great circulation.

Q. What is a vampires favorite holiday?
A. Fangsgiving.

Q. What happened when two vampires met?
A. It was love at first bite!

Q. Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
A. The Vampire State Building.

Q. How does a girl vampire flirt?
A. She bats her eyes.


Skeleton Jokes

Q. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
A. He had no body to dance with.

Q: What instrument does a skeleton play?
A: A trombone.

Q. Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
A. Sherlock Bones.

Q. Who was the most famous French skeleton?
A. Napoleon bone-apart

Q. Why do skeletons drink milk?
A. To help their bones!

Q. What is a Skeleton's favorite song.
A. Bad to the Bone.

Q. Why can't a Skeleton Lift Weights?
A. He's all bone and no muscle.

Q. What do the skeletons say be for eating?
A. Bone appetite!


Monsters, Mummies and More

Q. What's a monster's favorite bean?
A. A human bean.

Q. What do you call a little monsters parents?
A. mummy and deady

Q. How do you keep a monster from biting his nails?
A. Give him screws.

Q. What's a monsters favorite desert?
A. Ice-Scream!

Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They wear masking tape.

Q. What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?
A. Wrap music!

Q. Why don't mummies take vacations?
A. They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Q. Why was the mummy so tense?
A. Because he was all wound up.

Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A. Because demons are a ghouls best friend!

Q. Where did the goblin throw the football?
A. Over the ghoul line.

Q. What do you call two spiders that just got married?
A. Newlywebs!

Q. What can't you give the headless horseman?
A. A headache.

Q. Why did the headless horseman go into business?
A. He wanted to get ahead in life.

Q. Who are some of the werewolves cousins?
A. The whatwolves, the whowolves and the whenwolves.

Q: What's a cold, evil candle called?
A: The wicked wick of the north.

Q: What's a goblin's favorite flavor?
A: Lemon Slime.

Q: What do birds give out on Halloween?
A: Tweets.

Q: What time is it if five demons are chasing you?
A: Five after one and time to run!

Q: When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
A: When you're a mouse.

Q. The maker doesn't want it. The buyer doesn't use it. The user doesn't see it. What is it? A. A coffin!

Knock, Knock. Who's there?
Phillip! Phillip who?
Phillip my bag with candy!












Q:

















































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DATE: 10/03/2008 06:48:17 / MOOD: happy

Q. What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween? A. Ghoul-aid!!!

Q. What is a Mummie's favorite type of music? A. Wrap!!!!!

Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? A. Because demons are a ghouls best friend!

Q. What's a monster's favorite bean? A. A human bean.

Q. Why can't the boy ghost have babies? A. Because he has a Hallo-weenie.

Q. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A. A sand-witch.

Q. Where does a ghost go on Saturday night? A. Anywhere where he can boo-gie.

Q. What did the skeleton say to the vampire? A. You s.u.ck.

Q. What do ghosts say when something is really neat? A.Ghoul

Q. Why did the ghost go into the bar? A. For the Boos.

Q. Why was the girl afraid of the vampire? A. He was all bite and no bark.

Q. Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? A. He didn't have a haunting license.

Q. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party? A. He had no body to dance with.

Q. Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch? A. At the casketeria.

Q. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? A. He is mist.

Q. Where did the goblin throw the football? A. Over the ghoul line.

Q. Why doesn't Dracula mind the doctor looking at his throat. A. Because of the coffin.

Q. Why is a ghost such a messy eater? A. Because he is always a goblin.

Q. What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire? A. A toasty ghosty.

Q. Why did the Vampire read the Wall Street Journal? Q. He heard it had great circulation.

Q. What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae? A. Whipped scream.

Q. What do you give a skeleton for valentine's day? A. Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.

Q. What are ghosts' favorite kind of streets? A. Dead ends

Q. What is a vampires favorite holiday? A. Fangsgiving

Q. What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? A. Mas-scare-a.

Q. Why did the skeleton cross the road? A. To go to the body shop.

Q. What happens when two vampires meet? A. It was love at first bite!

Q. Who was the most famous ghost detective? A. Sherlock Moans.

Q. What do you call two spiders that just got married? A. Newlywebbed

!

Q. Who was the most famous witch detective? A. Warlock Holmes

Q. What did the ghost say to the man at the coffee shop? A. Scream or sugar!

Q. Who was the most famous skeleton detective? A. Sherlock Bones.

Q. Who was the most famous French skeleton? A. Napoleon bone-apart

Q. Which building does Dracula visit in New York? A. The Vampire State Building.

Q. Where do most werewolves live? A. In howllywood, California

Q. Where do most goblins live? A. in North and South Scarolina.

Q. Where does a ghost refuel his porche? A. At a ghastly station.

Q. What do Italian's eat on Halloween? A. Fettucinni Afraid-o (Ha ha ha)

Q. Why did the skeleton go disco dancing? A. to see the boogy man.

Q. What do witches use in their hair? A. scare-spray

Q. What do you call a little monsters parents A. mummy and deady

Q. What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon. A. sour-puss

Q. How do you scare a mummy A. with a yummy dummy in a crash test crummy.

Q. What do you get when you cross a vampire with the internet? A. blood-thirsty hacker baby

Q. What do you get when you cross a pumpkin with a skwaush? A. a squashed pumpkin pie.

Q. Why do ghosts shiver and moan? A. It's drafty under that sheet.

Q. What instrument do skeleton play? A: Trom-BONE.

Q. What do ghosts eat for breakfast? A. Boo-Berries.

 

Q: Why did't the skeleton cross the road? A: He had no guts.

Q. Why do vampires scare people? A. They are bored to death!

Q. How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? A. Every night he turns into a bat.

Q. What's it like to be kissed by a vampire? A. It's a pain in the neck.

Q. How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery? A. All the jelly has been suc.ked out of the jelly doughnuts.

Q. What songs does Dracula hate? A. "You Are My Sunshine" and "Sunshine on my Shoulders.

Q. What did the Mummy movie director say when the final scene was done? A. Ok, that's a wrap.

Q. How does a girl vampire flirt? A. She bats her eyes.

Q. What is a vampires least favorite food? A.Steak

Q. What's it called when a vampire has trouble with his house? A. A grave problem.

Q. Why doesn't anybody like Dracula? A. He has a bat temper.

Q. Why did Dracula go to the dentist? A. He had a fang-ache.

Q. Why are vampires like false teeth? A. They all come out at night.

Q. Who does Dracula get letters from? A. His fang club.

Q. What kind of key does a skeleton use? A. A skeleton key.

Q. What kind of gum do ghosts chew? A. Boo Boo Gum.

Q. Why did Dracula take cold medicine? A. To stop his coffin.

Q. Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes? A. Sandals don't look good with his tuxedo.

Q. How do you keep a monster from biting his nails? A. Give him screws.

Q. What can't you give the headless horseman? A. A headache.

Q. Why did the headless horseman go into business? A. He wanted to get ahead in life.

Q. What is a ghosts favorite sale? A. A white sale.

Q. What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party? A. A boo-tie.

Q. What's a ghosts favorite desert? A. Boo-berry pie.

Q. What type of dog does every vampire have? A. Bloodhound!

Q. What's a monsters favorite desert? A. I-Scream!!

Q. 1ST PERSON: KNOCK,KNOCK 2ND PERSON: WHO'S THERE 1ST PERSON: PHILLIP 2ND PERSON: PHILLIP WHO ? 1ST PERSON: ÊFILL UP MY BAG WITH CANDY !!! 2ND PERSON: HA,HA,HA (LOL)

Q. Why do girl ghosts go on diets? A. So they can keep their ghoulish figures.

Q. When does a ghost have breakfast? A. In the moaning.

Q. What do ghosts drink at breakfast? A. Coffee with scream and sugar.

Q. Where does a ghost go on vacation? A. Mali-boo.

Q. Where does a ghost go on Saturday night? A. Anywhere where he can boo-gie.

Q. Where did the ghost get it's hair done? A: At the boo-ty shop.

Q. Riddle: the maker does not want, it the buyer does not use it, and the user does not see it, what is it? A. a coffin.

Q. What do they teach in witching school? A. Spelling.

Q. Why does a witch ride a broom? A. Vacuum cleaners get stuck at the end of the cord.

Q. What do you call a witch's garage? A. A broom closet.

Q. What do you call two witches living together? A. Broommates.

Q. Why don't mummies take vacations? A. They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Q. What is a witch's favorite subject in school? A. Spelling

 

Q. Why did the man with a knife in his head cross the street? A. He was dying to get to the other side!!

Q. Where do ghosts go out? A. Where they can get boooooo-ze.

Q. Where do ghosts go out? A. Where they can get sheet-faced.

Q. What did the mother ghost say to her kids in the car? A. Fasten your sheet belts.

Q. Why didn't the skeleton go to see a scary movie? A. He didn't have the guts.

Q. What did the corpse' mom do when her son was bad? A. Ground him

Q. Why was the mummy so tense? A. Because he was all wound up.

Q. Why did the vampire need mouthwash? A. Because he had bat breath.

Q. Why don't ghost have bands? A. They get booooooooooed.

Q. What do you call a monster who poisons corn flakes? A. A cereal killer.

Q. Who are some of the werewolves cousins? A. The whatwolves, the whowolves and the when wolves.

Q. What did the bird say on Halloween? A. Trick or tweet!

Q. Why do skeletons drink milk? A. To help their bones!

Q. What's a Vampire's least favourate song? A. Another one bites the dust!

Q. What is a Skeleton's favorite song. A. Bad to the Bone

Q. Whats a ghost's favorate type of car? A. A boo-ick

Q. Where do ghost go for fun? A. To the boo-vies

Q. What's a skeletons favorite part of the house? A. the living room

Q. What did the teenage witch ask her mother on Haloween? A. Can i have the keys to the broom tonight.

Q. What do u get when theres a witch in the desert? A. You get a sandwich.

W. Why do ghosts like to ride elevators? A.it raises their spirits.

Q. Why can't a Skeleton Lift Weights? A. He's all bone & no muscle.

Q. What is a vamire's favorite fruit? A: A necktarine

Q. What do the skeletons say be for eating? A. Bone appetite

Q. What do ghosts call there girl friends? A. There goul friends.

Q. How did the ghost say goodbye to the vampire? A. So long suc,ker!

Q. What did the goblin say to the witch? A. I don't know you tell me!

Q. Why dident the skeleten go to the halloween party? A. Becuse he had no body to go with.

Q. What is a ghost's favorite band? A. The Boos Brothers

Q. What did Dracula have for dessert? A. Whine & Ice scream

Q. What is Dracula's favorite restaraunt? A. Murder King

Q. What is a Ghost's favorite food? A. HamBoogers

Q. What is in a ghost's nose? A. Boogers

Q. What was the mummies' vacation like? A. Nobody knows. They were too wrapped up to tell us.

Q: What did tha boy ghost say to the girl ghost? A: You are the most booooooooo-tiful thing I have ever seen!

Q. Why does a cemetery have to keep a fence around it? A. Because people are dying to get in.

Q. What do you give to a pumpkin who is trying to quit smoking? A. A
pumpkin patch!!!

Q. Where do vampires keep their money? A: The blood bank!!!

 

Q. What did Dracula say after reading all these jokes? A. They s.u.c.k! (or they bite!)

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